The end of a relationship or marriage is always an emotional rollercoaster. Navigating the grief, anger, pain and regret can be all consuming. Somehow, in all the upheaval, you need to find the presence of mind to do what’s necessary to protect yourself and disentangle your lives on a practical level. Particularly when things are getting nasty, it can be incredibly difficult to focus on the here and now. For this reason, I have put together a quick list of practical considerations that you should think about.
One Door Closes…
No matter how amicable your break up, things can turn nasty in the blink of an eye so it’s essential to protect yourself. The first thing you should do is change the locks. A friend of mine moved to Australia to pursue a relationship that ended badly. It wasn’t until after her then ex-partner had entered her apartment when she was out and made off with thousands of dollars’ worth of valuables that she thought to call one of the most reputable locksmiths in Melbourne to secure her living space.
Social Skills
At this time, you need your space and your privacy. Social media is not a place where you will find either of those things. Take some time to clean up your social media profile and feeds so that you are not staring at pictures of your ex every time you log on, or receiving anniversary congratulations from old friends who have no idea that you have split up. Most importantly, make as objective assessment as you can as to whether to block your ex from your feeds. If you have any concern at all about your former partner’s behaviour, then err on the side of caution and block away. Only the most amicable of break-ups should consider leaving their ex with access to their social media profiles.
In Name Only
Especially where couples have been living together, it is common to have many things registered jointly in both your names. Bank accounts, utilities, lease, insurance and a host of other things could potentially be jointly held. As hard as it may be on an emotional level, you are courting danger if you leave things as they are and do not follow up to switch everything solely into your name.
Law and Order
You might find this utterly distasteful, however decoupling from a partner can be an exceptionally delicate experience and a landmine of potential conflict. It is not unusual for certain areas of contention to escalate to the point that legal proceedings are initiated. Such scenarios will drain your energy and your bank account. Consider consulting with a lawyer to understand your rights and where things stand from a legal perspective at this stage. It might sound like the last thing you want to do, but it may save you a fortune down the track, not to mention immense heartache.
Look Out for Number One
It can be too easy to fall in a heap when your love life has come crashing down. One of the most important things you can do for your physical, emotional and psychological health is to look after yourself. Eating right, getting plenty of exercise and engaging in social or leisure activities will infuse your life with a sense of healthy normalcy and channel your emotions and energy in a positive direction.
You can never erase the pain of a broken relationship. Time will eventually heal all wounds, however, follow these steps in the meantime and you will be well on the way to getting your life in order and moving on.
