Communication is one of the most complicated components of parenthood. Your job is so multifaceted. You need to articulate information in ways that resonate with your child. You need to listen carefully to what they’re saying and truly understand it. You also need to help them understand that they are being heard.
This is a soft skill that many people don’t even realize they lack. Not only does active listening make your children feel more secure in their relationship with you, but it also models good communication habits that they can use to achieve personal success — and simply be better citizens.
In this article, we take a look at how you, as a parent, can capture all of the complexity and nuance that’s associated with high-level communication when interacting with your children.
Active Listening Overview
So what is active listening? Most parents will say that they listen to their children, at least to the largest extent possible. But active listening requires a little bit more.
To be a good active listener, you need to:
- Pay careful attention to everything that the other person is saying.
- Signal your interest through physical and verbal cues.
- Regularly reaffirm that the other person is being heard.
You accomplish this last part by repeating things they’ve said, asking for clarification, and regularly responding in a way that advances the conversation. There’s a high level of mindfulness and self-awareness that takes place during active listening.
To be effective in this arena, you really just need to practice. Develop your active listening skills in conversations with your child, but also try them out at work, with your partner, and with your friends.
You’ll find that not only do you improve through repetition, but you also strengthen your relationships with people all around you.
It’s for this exact reason that prioritizing active listening with children is so important in the first place — it’s one of the best ways to teach your kids how to interact with their peers at the highest possible level.
My Child has a Barrier to Communication. What Can I Do?
If your child is experiencing communication difficulties that owe to a physical or intellectual disability, there are lots of ways that you can support them.
Professional help is absolutely the most impactful first step. If your child is school-aged, their school should be able to connect them with a speech-language pathologist and possibly a special educator, depending on their needs.
If not, there are still things you can do as a family to help them with their speech difficulties.
In the next few headings, we take a look at steps you can take to consider independent help.
Consider Professional Help
You can access the services of a speech-language pathologist independently, even if your child is not attending a public school.
In many cases, insurance will pay for some or all of these costs. Speech language pathologists will work directly with your child on specific communication issues that they are struggling with.
They will also usually work with you to develop at-home strategies that you can use to advance their communication abilities.
Expose Them to as much Language as Possible
One of the most effective ways to develop communication skills is to simply be immersed in as much language as possible. This includes both conversation and language through media — for example, stories, or even listening to the radio or watching a movie.
In conversation, it’s important to adopt an attitude of cautious correction. Talk with your child as often as possible, always using the correct phrasing or pronunciation of words.
But when they make a mistake, most SLPs will recommend that you not directly correct them, but instead redirect their attention toward the proper pronunciation.
Instead of saying, “No, the word is plain, not plane,” just restate what they said: “Oh, you’re interested in flying in an airplane? I also like to fly in airplanes.”
Through gentle correction and regular exposure, you’ll help your child develop the communication skills that they need over time.
One of the most important attributes that they’ll develop is confidence. Often, it’s this more than anything else that holds them back from properly expressing themselves in social situations.
Give it time
The most important thing you can do is to retain your patience. Communication is a lifelong journey, not just with your child, but in any relationship.
There will be phases when you feel like you’re constantly bumping up against a wall with your child. If you can retain your focus on being supportive and expressive, you’ll find the right path eventually.
The idea is not to be perfect, it’s just to be consistent and well-intentioned. When you’re struggling, be honest.
That’s communication in its own right, and a valuable skill that your child may eventually learn from. Just say, “I’m trying to listen to you, I’m trying to communicate, but I’m bumping up against this obstacle.”
Being candid can diffuse tension and reset the conversation. Despite the fact that there will be friction from time to time, know that your child will appreciate your efforts and certainly benefit from them.
By listening actively and leading with empathy and kindness, you’ll help your child in ways they never even knew they needed.
