Sometimes it is hard to believe that I am a dad. Not only a dad but a dad to an awesome 13, 6 and 2 year old.
When I was growing up I had a shitty childhood and shitty parents. I know this is not nice to say about my parents but it is 100% the truth. Actually it was just my mom because my father was to much of a coward to stick around and do the right thing and be a father to his only son. Growing up I wondered if I would ever have kids. If I would be emotionally fit for kids. A shitty childhood will mess with your head and emotions as you get older and really make you think about what kind of person you will turn out to be. It will make you question if you are fit to be with others and if you are fit to take care of another human being.
When I met Melinda eight years ago Sabreena our oldest was just about to turn 5 years old. I wasn’t sure what kind of father figure I could be for her. I was 27 years old and immature as hell. I had one serious relationship that ended badly and a bunch of other short crappy relationships. I wouldn’t say that I had a great track record at being there for people.
After meeting Melinda I realized that I could do this. I could be a father to Sabreena and take over where her father dropped the ball because he was to much of a coward to set up. At this point I realized I wanted to try my best to be better then my father and her father. I wanted to have a relationship with Sabreena that was loving. I am not saying I am the best father by any means.
She is 13 now and I do find it difficult to talk to her sometimes and not because anything she did wrong. I find sometimes I have a hard time interacting with my kids because my parents were never there for me. They never laid the foundation on how parents should interact with their kids because they never interacted with me. I try not to use this as a crutch but believe me your childhood will effect who you are as an adult. If you had no love growing up it is hard to show love to others. My kids mean the world to me. I am scared as hell to die but if it came down to me or my kids there are no questions asked I am the one going. This is how much my kids mean to me.
I love my kids and I know I have a hard time showing it. I think they know I love them but I need to work on actually showing it more and fostering the best loving house that I can.
I find myself joking alot with my kids because in my head humor is the only thing I feel that I have. I find it hard to show emotions but I feel I am getting better but I have my days were it is hard.
I feel I have come a long way in 8 years as a father. In the beginning I didn’t think fatherhood was in my future but I meet Melinda and Sabreena and that all changed.
I can’t imagine my life without my kids, they are truly awesome. Yes they are a pain sometimes, test me, cry and just frustrate the hell out of me but at the end of the day my kids have made me a good dad and better human being.
This is one of a million reasons why I am proud to be a dad:
Sorry for getting so serious today but after watching the above video of Shae it just made me realize I love my life and wouldn’t want it any other way.
Head over to Dad Blogs and check out the other cool moms and dads on this Fatherhood Friday.
Have a great weekend and be sure to kiss your kids and show them all of the love you can!!!!!!
