As a parent, it can be difficult to let go. The protective instinct is quite literally bred into us; it’s part of the fabric of our DNA. We hear our child has had an argument with someone and we’re ready to go to battle to settle the injustice. We want to drive them everywhere rather than run the risks of them walking. We want to provide safe, warm cocoons for them to live their lives in – the mere idea of them being hurt or upset harms us ten times worse than it does them.
There is nothing wrong with being a protective parent. Even if you stray into helicopter parent tendencies, there’s nothing wrong with that either. Every fiber of your being tells you to protect your kids – it’s not your fault, and you shouldn’t be critiqued for it.
Alongside this universal truism though is that other side of parenting. The side that says you have done your job as a parent when they no longer need you. It sounds harsh, but it’s also a reality ingrained in us – to break free of our parents. If you equip your kids with the ability to do that, then you have done a wonderful job.
The problems come when you try to marry these two sides of yourself together. They seem incompatible; the side that tells you to protect at all costs and the other that wants to push them out into the world. How can we meet our own need to keep them safe with their desire to explore for themselves?
There Are Limits
The most important thing to understand is that there is a big difference between letting your child find their own way and abandoning them to the task. For example, letting them go and sleep in the woods late at night with no supervision – reckless and abandonment. Letting them play on a trampoline even though all you think of is the idea of them hurting themselves – acceptable. In the first, their lives are at stake. In the second, they’re going to have a heck of a lot of fun.
That’s an extreme example to make the point, but the key principle is sound. Occasionally, you are going to need to step back and agree to something that you hate the idea of – but that doesn’t mean you have to abdicate your role as a parent.
You can satisfy the urge to protect by making any activity as safe as possible. Don’t like the idea of a trampoline in essence? Well, make it safer with springfree trampolines and safety nets. There’s no viable way to make a trip into the woods safer without direct supervision, so that’s how you know it’s okay to be concerned about.
Letting Go Is Not Forever
As your children grow, they will want to do more and more things separate from you. This can feel like a loss, but it’s actually a gain – where they become less of your child and more of a friend. You don’t lose anything by protecting them less; you’re giving them the world and watching as they explore it.
