If you’re divorced or no longer in a relationship with your child’s father, you may face some co-parenting challenges. This can be the case even if your relationship with the father is relatively amicable. Whether this is the case or there are tensions, there are certain steps you can take to make things smoother.
Communicate
Working out a way to communicate effectively is important, even if you only ever talk to one another when there needs to be some kind of change of plan, such as saying that you’ll be late for a pickup. Some parents agree to use a certain method, such as texting, to reduce the likelihood of arguments. Try to avoid getting drawn into any conflicts and keep your conversations factual if this is an issue. Avoid the temptation to ask your kids to carry messages back and forth, even if you dislike communicating with your ex. Ideally, you and your ex might even be able to come to an agreement on certain ground rules, such as when bedtimes are. This can help you find peace and even simply get a better night’s sleep during the times that you are away from your children.
Consider College Costs
Although child custody agreements generally only address issues with children up to the age of 18, some parents may want to include additional provisions, such as what kind of contributions each of you will make toward the child’s college education. If this is not part of your formal custody agreement, you may still want to discuss it with the father. The two of you still might want to contribute to an education fund. If you are concerned about having enough money for tuition and other expenses and also about your child being saddled with bills, you might want to look into taking out low-rate Private Parent Loan to help them out with reducing their education debt after graduation so they’re in a better financial situation starting out in the real world.
Encourage a Relationship
In most cases, it’s a good idea to encourage your child’s relationship with the other parent and set aside your own emotions. This can be tough, and you may struggle with reminding yourself that differences in how you parent doesn’t mean that you can’t both be effective and loving with your kids. You should try to be positive about your child spending time with their father and try to get rid of negative energy even when you feel frustrated, such as if they are late or a no-show for an agreed upon visitation. Otherwise, you risk making your child feel anxious or as though they have to choose between the two of you. You might even push them away.
Take the Long View
One thing to keep in mind is that you and the other parent will probably be a part of one another’s lives for years, if not decades. You may have to see one another at events such as graduations and weddings, and when you do, the focus should be on supporting your kids and not on the tension between the two of you. Therefore, the sooner you are able to be in the same place amicably the better. However, even if it takes years, parents can move from a high conflict co-parenting relationship to one that is much more functional.
