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I’m Not Gonna Lie. Marriage is work!

Melinda and I have a great relationship and marriage but we are like most normal people and have our share of marriage problems. Not problems that are life threatening. Most of our problems and fights are stupid little fights that are over very quickly.

I see a lot of books on How to save your marriage so marriage problems seem to be pretty common these days. I understand people get to the end of their rope and have no answers on what they need to do to make their relationship work. I feel people should seek marriage counseling before seeking divorce because every couple needs an objective third party to help them work through their problems.

Melinda and I saw a therapist early on in our marriage and it helped us to see each other’s points and be more open to one another’s thoughts, opinions and suggestions. It is very easy to get wrapped up in yourself with the day to day grind with work, kids, sports, dinner, bath, bedtime, etc where is doesn’t leave much time for you and your spouse. Like Melinda and I always say it is extremely important to take time even at the end of a busy day to just relax and enjoy your spouse’s company. Melinda and I typically will finish the day holding hands on the couch and watching a little TV because honestly that is probably the first real time we get to sit down alone with each other without the kids interrupting.

Melinda and I aren’t perfect but marriage is work and it’s a give and take and we do work on our marriage daily.

Do you have any advice on how to have a stronger marriage? What do you and your spouse do that allows you to unwind and just relax?

I Disclose


  1. I enjoy reading posts about successful marriages, thank you!! You’re right, it does take work for sure, but a happy marriage is totally worth it. Dave and I often have people comment how happy we seem and that we have such a great marriage. And we do. Of course we have the arguments here and there, the worries of raising kids, living on a budget, paying off debt, you know those life interferences. I think what helps us is that we also share laughs together, look for the humor in things, spend time together and with the family, and try to enjoy the little things. Thanks for sharing such a great post!!

    • It stinks that life gets in the way of marrage but that is the kind of stuff that can make or break a marriage depending on how it is handled.

  2. Oh yes, marriages take work! There are a lot of variables against marriages and the stress of kids seem to be one of them. I think it is important to keep an open communication and make alone time to reconnect. Also, I find that when my husband get into a rut where we bump heads and just cannot seem to communicate with each other (constantly turning words around or taking things the other says the wrong way) time apart with friends work! I guess everything in life needs little breaks.

    • Great advise especially on the bumping heads. I have to assume all couple bump heads. I know Melinda and I do at times.

  3. Marriage does take work…it’s worth it though.

  4. Communication, alone time, date nights, and acting like teenagers:) We have had a rough marriage but it’s been wonderful for the last 5 years. The first 3 were rough and actually caused us to divorce…long story. Anyways, we are happier than we have ever been.

    • Well that is awesome to hear that the last 5 years have been great. Melinda and I work pretty hard on US but it is all worth it.

  5. This is the 2nd post this week I read about marriage. Loved this one as much as I loved the other one. I know I am divorced, but I can say I wish I had looked into marriage counseling before the divorce decision was made. My ex-husband simply agreed to the divorce, he was super laid back and didn’t want to fight me on what he thought I truly wanted. Little did he know, and now knows is that I simply wanted him to fight for me. He had become lazy, there were lies {not “big” ones} but ones that left me having minor trust issues with him and such. We never had “big” problems. Think it all boiled down to the over communication and sometimes selfish attitude of myself and his lack of communication and passive personality. After being divorced a year, we have dated here & there and our communication has grown to be a lot better. Funny, we are divorced but when speaking of each other we have always referred to each other as husband and wife. We are now planning to seek counseling and possibly get married on what would have been our four year wedding anniversary this year. Think we rushed out of it, I would advise everyone to seek counseling because I was that person who felt it wasn’t needed because we never argued, we were a couple that had/have the same positive mindset that just WORKS but something happened, maybe two kids in two years … idk .. but we are now working hard at making this work the right way and not giving up!

    • Brandy,

      My husband and I divorced in 2004 after 3 years of marriage. I got extreme and I mean extreme postpartum and pushed everyone away from me, including him. He signed the papers because that is what “I thought” I wanted at the time. Once I seeked counseling they put me on meds and they completely reversed on me. I was on the suicidal side of things. I quit taking my meds, thing is my husband was by my side the entire time just wanting me to get better. 18 months of this and we got back together although he was never not by myside. Everything has been amazing since getting back together in 2006 once I was better, and HAPPY!!! I highly like you suggest counseling first before doing something you may regret. I regret the decision I made in 2004 but am happy the way our life is now. It’s A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

      • Wow thanks for sharing your story. I know having two babies in two years probably played a toll in me pushing him away. We have discussed counseling because we both know what we need to do to make it work, which really is not a LOT per say, just simply having someone help us follow through with steps to continue and not let things get lazy after we are together again. I appreciate you sharing this so much! ((HUGS))

  6. Yes it takes TONS of work, but definitely worth it 🙂

  7. It’s definitely work but, thankfully, in our case the work gets easier and isn’t such a struggle. After over a decade of knowing each other and being married for nine years in April (!!!), I think our marriage these days is successful because we value each other and we express that value in ways spoken and unsaid. We empathize with each other. I think this makes a world of difference because it’s, in fact, too easy to get wrapped up in your own story–all the trials and tribulations of my day, the stresses of my job, my frustrations, etc. and let that motor my responses to anything he says. Those conversations don’t go so well. We both feel better and respond better when we know the other sees the things we’re doing, knows our experiences and frustrations, and reflects on those things before getting worked up over something minor, something we wouldn’t even remember arguing about a week later. The result is that we very rarely argue any more, which results in more happy and fun memories together and less that make either of us go GRRR.

  8. I wish I had advice for a better marriage, all I know is mine obviously didn’t go right but now we are back together and trying to work on things.

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