When it comes to the end of a relationship it can be hard to look on the bright side, after all it’s not the easiest of times. But, the good news is that you get to start afresh and on your own terms.
Eric Roth (the screenwriter for the motion picture Benjamin Button) immortalised the idea that it’s never too late too start over with this excerpt: “I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”
Here are 7 more pieces of advice for making the most of a relationship ending.
- Moving on
It’s natural that in life people can drift apart, priorities can shift and somehow you can find yourself face to face with a virtual stranger. Other times, infidelity or other transgressions can prove irreparable. When you feel like you’ve been on the same roundabout for far too long (and, when you wish you got off years ago) that’s usually the time you know you should possibly be seeking to move on, and (if required) the services of a good divorce lawyer. Knowing you’re ready to leave the past in the past is the first step in moving on.
- Boundary setting
When you are going through a separation it’s a great time to reassess your personal boundaries. Once you have gained your own space away from the relationship you have the scope to look at the complete picture for what it really is. You can reflect on what you sacrificed and if it was worth it, and take stock of the myriad factors that contributed to the deterioration of your relationship. You now have the ability to realise where your boundaries exist, and this is very helpful for healing and growth.
- Restoring your identity
Once the recovery period from a breakup has set in, it’s often the case that you will experience a curious sense of emptiness – one that has more to do with you as a person – as opposed to you necessarily missing your ex-partner and regretting your decision to end it. This surrounds the question of just exactly who you are, minus the situation of being in a relationship. Therefore, your sense of identity may be at a loss.
Rediscovering yourself after a breakup is a very normal part of the healing process, particularly when you have just ended a very serious and lengthy relationship. Restoring your identity often comes back to what makes you ‘you’ – entirely independent of your relationships.
- Release and freedom
Heartache is the non-negotiable by-product of any breakup, but so too are the good feelings that you will eventually be able to experience. It’s a hard road, but rest assured you will get there – and, when you do – a great weight will have lifted.
Feeling completely free to be yourself is the reward for getting through the tears, the doubts, the curling up on the couch binge eating – and, all the other manifestations of grief that are part and parcel of a break-up. When you are done working through these hurdles you will inevitably experience a massive sense of release. You will understand that the best is yet to come.
- Enjoying more time for yourself
One of the biggest benefits of a separation is that you now have so much more time to focus on what you enjoy. There are so many things that you can do with your newfound freedom. Have you always wanted to get back to a much-loved hobby? There’s suddenly an open window of time to spend doing yoga, hiking, painting, playing guitar – to do whatever makes you happy. You no longer have to juggle as many commitments or feel unnecessarily guilty about putting yourself first.
- The thrill of the new
When you are newly-single it’s really liberating to realise that (when making important and not so important life decisions) you no longer have to factor in any one else’s wants and needs to the same degree as you may have used to. Want to move to a new city on the fly? You can pack your bags and off you go. Want to splash a significant amount of cash on something entirely just for you? There’s no one to weigh in on that scenario.
There are so many things to love about being single – and, one of the biggest of these might just be the unlimited opportunities that you now find yourself opened up to
- The chance to find new love
What’s the best thing about putting a relationship that didn’t work behind you? It’s the chance to find one that does work – and, more than this – one that makes you smile, reignites your spark and makes your heart, mind and soul sing. While it will take some time to recover from a breakup and be ready to love again, there’s always the chance (that since things are now uncomplicated) you will be free to meet that new and special someone.
Taking a walk on the bright side
It’s never easy to go through a breakup, but there are undoubtedly silver linings. There may be some hard yards to traverse, but the rewards of doing what is right for you and your ultimate happiness is always worth it.
Robin Williams once said: “I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” For more perspectives, you can check out some relationship quotes HERE.
