Growing up in the 1990s, you probably heard about ADHD in passing. It was a diagnosis almost always assigned to boys, treated with stimulants and surrounded by a negative stigma as with most mental health conditions. For a long time, it was thought to be a condition of childhood that we would outgrow as we reached adulthood. An expanded understanding of ADHD teaches us that it couldn’t be further from the truth.
New studies have found that if one or more children are diagnosed with ADHD, it’s highly likely that at least one parent also lives with the condition. Contrary to popular belief, Dad does not always carry those genetics. I’m a mom with ADHD. If you’re in the same boat, here’s how I manage.
ADHD Looks Different in Girls
We tend to picture an ADHD diagnosis as a young child who can’t sit still in class and who struggles with focus and might not do well in school because of it. These symptoms might be typical of ADHD in boys, but in girls, they can present entirely differently. Rather than being hyperactive like their male counterparts, ADHD presents as being inattentive. We spend time daydreaming and might have trouble paying attention, but since we lack the titular hyperactivity often used to diagnose ADHD, we are often overlooked as children.
Girls with ADHD are also more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety or depression. They may struggle with self-esteem and have a higher chance of turning to self-harm.
How I Manage With My ADHD
Managing as an adult with ADHD isn’t easy, but once you know what you’re up against, it’s easier to craft a plan of attack. Here are a few things that have worked well to help me manage my ADHD.
Building a Routine
I get it — life can be downright chaotic at times. When you’re managing calendars for multiple people and may need to develop the ability to teleport to make sure everyone makes it to school, work, appointments, rehearsals and practices on time, setting up a routine might seem like an impossible task. In reality, having my routine in place has been a lifesaver for managing my ADHD.
I have a list of things I need to accomplish to start my day correctly. They might not have to happen in the same order or at the same time, but I need to complete all these tasks before I can jump into any other tasks. The same goes for my evening routine. I must complete these tasks before I can wind down for the night. If you don’t already have a routine in place, start by taking small steps. Adopt one new task at a time. Trying to change too much about your routine could be overwhelming.
Break Down Tasks Into Manageable Bites
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. If you’re trying to tackle a huge job, start by breaking it down into more manageable steps. For example, let’s say that Sunday is your chore day. You’ve got a list of things you need to do on Sunday because you work the rest of the week and it’s your only day off. Trying to take on the entire list can be incredibly overwhelming. For someone with ADHD, getting overwhelmed can lead to shutting down. You’ve got so much to do that you don’t know where to start, so you give up, and nothing gets done.
Back to your chore list, start by breaking it down by room. Then, look at the tasks for each room and break them down into even smaller tasks. The bathroom chore list for a neurotypical person might look something like this:
- Clean sink
- Scrub toilet.
- Scrub shower
- Hang fresh towels
It seems pretty straightforward until you sit down and think of all the steps that go into each task. For me, the bathroom chore list looks something like this.
- Clean counter
- Move toothbrushes
- Spray sink with cleaner
- Scrub sink
- Rinse
- Put toothbrushes back.
- Spray toilet with cleaner
- Scrub toilet
- Flush.
- Spray shower with cleaner.
- Scrub shower
- Rinse.
- Move dirty towels to the laundry
- Hang fresh towels
- Empty trash.
It seems like a lot, but each of these tasks is small and easy to complete, so the entirety of the chore list doesn’t seem so overwhelming. Yes, my Sunday chores might have dozens of to-dos, but each is small enough that I can manage them without too much trouble.
Recognizing My Limits
This challenge might not have much to do with my ADHD diagnosis, but I tend to be a perpetual people pleaser. I say yes when I should say no and take on more tasks than I have the energy to handle because I don’t want to be a disappointment. Instead of recognizing my limits and sticking to my boundaries, I would blow right past them and push myself into burnout.
Learn how to recognize your limits. Know when you need to step away, even if it’s just for a few minutes to recharge. Don’t let people stomp on your boundaries.
Staying Organized
One of the most challenging things to manage with ADHD is our problems with object permanence. Out of sight, out of mind takes on a literal meaning for us. If we put something away in a drawer, box or safe place to ensure that we don’t lose it, you can almost guarantee that we’ll never find it or think about it again. We also have a habit of creating ‘doomboxes’ — repositories for everything we have no other place. These boxes, drawers or cubbies will accumulate items that we’ll forget about, again due to that issue with object permanence.
Staying organized is one of the biggest challenges for people with ADHD. You don’t need to spend much money on coordinated storage boxes or other supplies. Sometimes, something as simple as taking the doors off your cabinets so you can see what you have can help make organization a little easier.
You’re Not Alone
Living as an adult with ADHD might seem impossible. We’re in a world built for and by neurotypicals. We must mask our symptoms to fit in; even then, we tend to stand out. If you take nothing else away from this article, remember this — you are not alone. There are others out there that share your struggles.
