Ever felt the awkward tension of wanting to bring up sex but not knowing how to do it without feeling intense? The talk about sex with your partner in a new relationship can feel like you’re defusing a bomb. But it doesn’t have to be.
It’s time to cover the fun but important stuff—how to bring up sex in new relationship without sounding like you’re about to deliver a TED Talk. This article will cover tips and personal insights, including advice from a dating expert from HookupGuru that might surprise you.
Why Talking About Sex is No Big Deal
First things first, talking about sex with your partner shouldn’t feel like a taboo subject. Whether you’re fresh into dating or married for years, everyone has preferences, needs, and boundaries. And it’s totally fine to discuss them!
For example, one study shows that between 30 and 40% of dating and married couples get intimate within the first month of their relationship. So, while it might feel weird, you’re not alone in thinking about how to bring up sex in a new relationship.
And here’s another point—sexual conversations aren’t just for when things get serious. Whether you’re three dates in or thinking about cohabiting, these chats can make things smoother.
So, How Do You Start Talking About Sex?
Start small. No need to go straight into the deep end. Something as simple as, “Hey, have you ever thought about how we handle intimacy?” works wonders. It’s casual but direct enough to get the conversation flowing.
Here’s how to bring up sex in relationship without it feeling like a chore:
- Keep it light at first
- Use humor if you’re nervous
- Body language matters
What Not to Do
Look, everyone’s a little different, but there are a few things you’ll want to avoid when starting sexual conversations. Here’s what you don’t want to do:
- Don’t make it a big announcement – “We need to talk about our sex life!” sounds like you’re about to discuss taxes. Keep it casual.
- Avoid accusations – No one likes feeling blamed or judged. Avoid statements like, “You never initiate,” or “You’re always avoiding intimacy.”
- Don’t rush it – It’s a conversation, not a one-time event. Let it unfold naturally.
Why Women Might Struggle More with Sexual Conversations
While bringing up sex in a relationship is important, not everyone finds it easy. A survey shows that men feel more at ease talking about their desires than women. Around 48% of men bring up sexual desires weekly, while only 34% of women do.
Why the difference? Women often find these conversations uncomfortable. Some don’t even know what they want, and others say it makes them anxious. No wonder these chats don’t always happen as often as they should.
The thing is, if you’re a woman feeling uneasy about how to talk to partner about sex, you’re not alone. There’s no “right” way to discuss this stuff.
How to Talk to Your Partner About Sex
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “learn to talk and listen.” Well, it’s true, especially when it comes to sexual conversations.
Now, let me tell you a little story. My buddy Joe once tried to bring up sex with his girlfriend by saying, “So, what’s your favorite position?” during breakfast. Needless to say, that conversation didn’t go so well. The takeaway? Know when and how to talk about sex.
Why Timing Matters When Bringing Up Sex
Timing is everything, right? Some things just need to happen at the right moment. The same goes for the talk about sex in a new relationship. Whether you’re weeks into dating or just starting out, it’s not about when you bring it up, but how you approach it.
Better follow these tips instead:
- Early signals – If you notice you’re getting closer physically, it’s probably a good idea to discuss intimacy before things naturally head that way.
- Pick a comfortable setting – Choose a moment where both of you feel at ease. Maybe after you’ve shared something personal, like how obsessed you both are with Stranger Things.
- Don’t wait too long – Waiting until you’re already in bed can make things more awkward. Set the groundwork earlier to avoid surprises.
How to React When Your Partner Brings Up Sex First
So, your partner brings up sex, and suddenly you’re hit with a wave of “what do I say?” panic. Relax. This is your opportunity to open up without needing to be the one to initiate the chat. The best thing you can do? Stay chill.
Here’s a story: My friend Alex told me how his girlfriend casually asked, “What do you think about exploring something new in bed?” mid-Netflix binge. He panicked and deflected, which killed the mood and the conversation. Lesson learned—stay calm and open to the discussion. Here’s what you should do instead:
- Acknowledge their courage – It’s not always easy to bring up sexual desires, so give your partner props for taking the leap.
- Be honest, but tactful – If you’re into it, great. If not, that’s okay too. Just express your feelings without shutting them down completely. Something like, “I hadn’t thought about that before, but I’m open to talking more about it” works wonders.
- Ask questions – If they’re bringing it up, they want your input. Ask them how they feel or if there’s something specific they’ve been thinking about.
Final Thoughts
Talking about sex in a new relationship doesn’t have to be nerve-wracking. Sure, it can feel a bit awkward at first, but the more you practice, the easier it gets. It’s all about mutual respect, open communication, and maybe even a little humor (if dinosaurs aren’t your thing, try asking if they think ghosts have sex—it works, trust me).
So, how do you bring up sex? You do it with honesty, patience, and a whole lot of understanding. Every relationship is different, but being upfront early on will save you from misunderstandings later.
