Time slips away so easily. Connections are lost, relationships are broken and feelings are hurt. This is an all too familiar situation as a mom. My family needs so much of my time that friendships are pushed to the back burner. Moving away 4 years ago took a toll on one long-standing friendship and now we are at a stand-still. I miss her dearly but it seems to be so hard to mend what was broken.
I’m back home now, in the area where we used to be before moving to Maryland. I want so much to get back to where we used to be but it seems each hand I extend is ignored. There have been a few glimmers of hope in the past year but I don’t know what’s going to work for the long term. I’ve sent cards, emails, texts and have contemplated planning something on a larger scale like a girls getaway but I don’t want to “buy” time spent together.
I think a 20 year friendship is worth fighting for. I’m going to try my best and get her back into my life so that our kids get close again. I have other friends and sisters and a sister-in-law who I all love dearly but there is a piece missing. How do you maintain friendships when life doesn’t give you the time?
This happens too often. In 2007 I lost contact with my best friend. She went through hard times and pushed everyone away. We finally connected again recently and I’m thrilled. I think it’s so hard when we have families and do not have much time for others. I hope you can reconnect, good luck!
having a family definitely puts a damper on your social life and it’s so hard to find a happy medium.
I know where you are coming from. About 3 years ago i had to let go of one of my best friends, a relationship that was at least 14 years old. From what you wrote, we are a lot alike; I extended offers, tried to make dinner dates, was there when she needed an ear and when her father passed. The icing on the cake was when I needed someone and she was no where to be found.
I realized at that point, what I thought was a “long time, best friend” actually was some one who used me when they needed a friend. I still think of her often, and wish at times we could patch up the relationship, but I know, actually, it would be “me” giving and giving and her taking and taking.
I am sure you have other really good, best friends now that are mutually interested in your friendship. I would pursue those and not bother trying so hard with the best friend. 🙂
i wouldn’t have a problem letting go of a bad egg but this isn’t the case. all of those convenience friends are gone.
This has recently happened with me…we were fairly close friends and then she lost her baby a few weeks before she was due to have a c-section. I saw her at the funeral and one other gathering since then…have tried to reach out to her via phone and snail mail but I haven’t heard from her in about a month. I don’t want to be pushy as I can’t imagine how she’s feeling on top of having her other child to take care of and get ready for kindergarten..it’s just sad. 🙁
thats very sad. i would give her some space but just let her know you are there for her when she’s ready.
I hope you can mend this relationship. My bff and I had a falling out and then several years ago reconnected. Even though we live far apart, I feel closer to her than ever but it is difficult when you both have all of these responsibilities other than just being a friend.
I’ve reached out before to others and find that sometimes you have to leave the ball in their court.
she said shes coming to Shae’s bday party this weekend so thats a huge step! It’s been about 7 months since we’ve had any contact so we’ll see.
I know how you feel I’ve had 2 best friends since Jr. high and now I’m down to just one. The first so called best friend I tried reaching out too and she never reached back so that friendship dissolved right before meeting the best friend I have now.
The first best friend was a user so I’m glad to have the best friend I have now. With my current best friend we’ve had a test of time on friendship too between going off to college, entering the work force and family etc. We always made time to hang out, whether a girl’s night out or with the family. What we like about our friendship is is that we celebrate it. We actually have a Friendship Anniversary. We celebrate every year w/ cards and go out to do something we like to do, like going to art exhibits the movies etc. things we like to do then (and now) when we first became friends. Also every 5 years we try to do something great to strengthen our friends like having a girls weekend or paying to see some pricey exhibit we’ve been dying to see.
I don’t know if a Friendship Anniversary works for every friendship, but I feel what has kept us connected and friends for well over 10+ years is not letting technology get in the way of spending time together face-to-face and putting our feelings out there To us being friends means being able to actually hear what each other is saying, not just being a giver or a taker but focusing on our friendship not always getting caught up in the problems we have going on in our own lives. Regardless of how busy I get I always keep a stack of post cards & friendship cards around to drop her a line anytime. Yes, there’s email & texting but to me having something tangible to send means I took time out of my day to write out a well thought out message not something I hurried through because of technology. I think my best friend feels the same way because she always tells me how much she appreciates my cards and post cards We also both have a friendship memo board that we hang our cards and photos on as a reminder of great times we’ve shared.
I hope reconnecting with your friend works out 🙂 I agree w/ you a 20 year friendship is definitely worth fighting for. I hope she’s able to come a bit early so you two can have a chance to talk and reconnect a bit before the party Good Luck! Hope your daughter has a great birthday!
i don’t think we need an anniversary or special events but it’s really great that you celebrate each other so much
Letting go of a friendship is a hard thing to do. I hope you and your friend of 20 years can find your way back to each other. However, if you’ve been making all the gestures, it’s time for her to make her own. I hope the birthday party gives you a chance to talk. Good luck to you.
when we do get together we express how much we miss each other so I’m hoping we just need to reconnect and make time